Getting 'engaged to be married,in the olden days, was when the engagement period was a time to negotiate a 'bride-price' of the family of the women, who were losing a working member of the family and they had to be compensated for her loss. Centuries later, the situation was reversed with fathers paying their future son-in-law a payment or 'dowry' to marry off their daughter. The engagement then became a time to agree the dowry and to collect the bride-to-be's possessions. Luckily today, getting married is much simpler ,and the engagement period is a busy and exciting time where the happy couple can plan their wedding day and prepare for married life.
If you wish to be sensitive to your families' feelings, a little etiquette may well prevent any hurt feelings, particularly if one or both your parents may end up footing the bill for your wedding day! If you think that your decision to get engaged might come as a shock to your parents, you might want to discuss your intentions with them at an opportune moment, before making any public announcements. They will then have an opportunity to express their concerns and to discuss with you both the implications of your decision. You will also have a chance to reassure them that your relationship is ready for this momentous step in your lives.
If your engagement will not come as a shock to your parents, it is customary for the man to ask your father for your hand in marriage. Although it is traditional for the man to seek permission from his future father-in-law before proposing, most men today propose first and then, as a mark of respect, ask for permission.
Seeking permission to many guys may seem old fashioned and inappropriate today but it is still seen as a polite and respectful gesture. If the man lives some distance away he should telephone or write to his future father-in-law.
Most parents care tremendously for their children's welfare, whatever their age, and they would welcome discussing such an important decision with you. They will then be assured that their daughter will be well cared for and your decision will be seen as being made responsibly. Getting your parents on-board at this time should make the rest of the wedding day planning much simpler and less stressful!
The traditional way of a marriage proposal was for the man to ask his bride-to-be is on bended knee. Today though, men usually opt for something a little less spectacular and in many cases it is simply agreed by mutual consent. However, your proposal will remain a special and memorable event forever and it is worth taking the time to think of a way that is either romantic and/or unique. It could be that you are proposed to over a romantic candle lit dinner for two or the question just popped out in the checkout queue at the supermarket! It's up to you to decide but it is worth considering what your partner would appreciate and what will provide you both with a happy memory in the future. Having said all this, you still can't beat a bit of good old-fashioned tradition by getting down on one knee!
In these days of sexual equality many women are taking the initiative and proposing to their men. Certainly, on February 29th each leap year, there are always many stories of women taking advantage of the ancient leap year tradition by making the marriage proposal. However, for those wishing to take advantage of this tradition, you will have to wait a while !!
However if you decide to propose, the words that still remain most popular are simply 'will you marry me?'.
Once your close family members are aware of your decision, you will probably be keen to let your relatives and friends know of your engagement. Whether you do this by writing, telephoning or simply letting the 'grapevine' do the work is up to you. Depending upon how far spread your family and friends are, you may wish to consider an announcement in the local or national newspapers. Although nowadays its more common to find out that people are engaged via social networking sites such as twitter or facebook!!
Although engagement lengths vary, depending upon circumstances, it is usual for the engagement period to last between six and 18 months. However, anything less than six months will probably not allow enough time to arrange a traditional wedding with all the usual trimmings!
It is traditional for the man to give his future bride an engagement ring as a visible sign of their love. Usually an engagement ring is a dress ring, a ring with a gemstone. A ring with one diamond, known as a diamond solitaire, is still the most popular choice. As well as looking stunning, diamond is the hardest substance on earth and it has since the 15th century symbolised security and strength. However, couples are increasingly opting for something different and are incorporating other gemstones, both precious and semiprecious, in their ring to add additional significance.
An engagement ring is traditionally worn on the third finger of your left hand (the finger next to your little finger). Although there is no precise evidence to explain the origin of this tradition, there are two strongly held beliefs. The first, dating back to the 17th century, is that during a Christian wedding the priest arrived at the forth finger (counting the thumb) after touching the three fingers on the left hand '...in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost'. The second belief refers to an Egyptian myth that the ring finger follows the vena amoris or vein of love that runs directly to the heart!
Once your engagement is announced, it is normal for the groom-to-be's mother to contact her future in-laws expressing delight at the good news and to suggest a date and venue for both sides to get together. The meeting, hosted by the groom-to-be's parents, could take the form of lunch, dinner or a weekend stay.
Such a meeting would be an ideal opportunity for them to share in your happiness in a relaxed, social environment and if nothing else, it will mean that on the wedding day your parents are not confronted with total strangers! Alternatively, if you are planning to have an engagement party and both sets of parents live a considerable distance apart, then this could be the venue for them to meet, although it will not be as quiet and intimate as a private meeting.
Most couples celebrate their engagement with some form of party for family and friends, which is traditionally hosted by the bride-to-be's parents. You may decide to have a small gathering at home or throw a large party. Whatever you decide upon, it is customary for the bride-to-be's father to make a short informal speech followed by a toast to the happy couple. Alternatively, you may just want a private dinner for the two of you or jet off and spend an exciting and romantic holiday together. The choice is yours!!
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